Last year my word was SHINE. I try to SHINE but I didn’t do it so well. I wanted to SHINE for Him but I was only doing for it for me.
What I found was unrestfulness.
I was given a new word by Word Generator,
It’s just what I needed.
I will REST this year. From what? Hard to rest as a mother of 5 children and caregiver of 2 more as well homeschooling with a loud corgi.
I have been in the past few weeks been the most unreset ever. It has grown so much that I finally stop ignoring it.
I knew that I need to do 2020 differently for the sake of my soul and peace. I need to REST.
I need peace. I have been trying so hard to be something that I am not called to be. I have been trying to do bigger things and be bigger things for others outside of my home.
But I haven’t found peace. I have an unsettling feeling that needs to find rest. IN HIM.
So I am leaving this world. No, not the real world but the “Mom Boss, Empower Women, Grow Your fan, Ministry ” world. I will seek HIM in my hidden world.
No more projects outside of my home and vocation. No more bow business, girl clubs, nothing that will come before my first calling.
I never had REST with them. I need to find REST so that I can find HIM.
My priorities have been mixed up for years now and I understand now that to find that REST, I need Him and I need to set my priorities right.
There is so much lack of time and energy when you are homeschooling children using a classical education. It is so hard. I never had a good education.
I ran away for that hardness and pour myself into other outside projects, social media, girls club, moms club, so-called ministries.. anything that might have given me some joy and my mind away from that hard life of bringing up children as well educating them.
But I was lying to myself. Filling myself up with things that didn’t bring me REST nor PEACE.
I was not courageous. I ran away for my priorities into ministry even though they were good and beautiful, they were there to make me feel better about my weakness, my laziness.
But as I see that time is now against me. I have lost time. A time that can’t be made up. Lost forever.
I knew that I needed to do this years ago but I was a coward.
I will remove all things that lead me away from my true vocation of family life.
I will prioritize them. First, what is truly at-need and beautiful. Next, what is extra in my vocation.
I ‘m just going to go back to old school and be a mom with just a blog. This blog. And if a post gets likes and if the blog gets followers, and so on, great. If not, great too.
I will keep 1 Facebook page (yeah, I had like 3 ).
However, I will be more faithful to my #chickfilasundays:
I will do my best not to do things that will distract me from this REST in Him, Peace in my home and heart.
So if I don’t post in days, so what? If I don’t comment, so what? If I get no new followers so what?
I just want a place that will help me seek real contentions with other Catholic mothers who are trying to raise little Saints as well as trying to be holy. Who are trying to find God’s mercy in their self-care.
There will be no trying to find followers or links or traffic. Whatever happens, it RESTs in Him.
I let the “SHINE” world of empowered women get ahold of my vocation. I should have known, that this unresting feeling was my spirit trying to tell me to let go of those things that have clouded my head and heart for too long.
Yes, being pro-life active is very important and to share the mercy of God. Yes, those things were good but it just not my time to do those things. Some mothers can do it all. I need to SIMPLIFY my life.
I finally saw that I can’t. I have wasted so much time. But I have hope in God’s mercy and I have time for today.
Every day is a new day.
Every day is a chance to enhance my vocation so that call into holiness will help my family and myself be the saints in the making.
Have a RESTFUL Year with God’s mercy and peace.